"Patty Melt" by: MHD

I say we leave the Gulf Coast destroyed and film a bunch of post-apocalypse movies down there. Or better yet post-apocalypse documentaries. I want to see people in dune-buggies attacking tanker-trucks filled with drinking water. But for real, not pretend. Oh wait, that's going to happen in 50 years anyway.

Right now there are 436 people per square kilometer of arable land in Algeria. In 55 years there will be 872 people per square kilometer. That's assuming that the amount of arable land stays the same in Algeria. But of course there will be less, becasue the Sahara Desert is growing and Algerians pollute the hell out of their water supplies. So it will probably be more like 1000-1500 people per square kilometer of arable land.

Then the wars for water start. Enter dune-buggies stage left.

Maybe we can poison Hugo Chavez and blame the Russians like we did all those other guys.

I want to know who killed Andreas Baader, Gudrin Ensslin, and Ulrike Meinhoff in their prison cells. I never bought that whole hid a gun in his record player for 2 years and then killed himself story.

I want to take Black Fatima out on a date. I want to buy her a new mink stoll and help her drug a few teenage Chechen girls into suicide bombers. I want to prove she doesn't exist. She really doesn't, the Russians made her up.

I want Russia to leave Chechnya alone. I want to visit Libya. I want to walk across the Sahara Desert and play Jarre's "Lawrence of Arabia" theme on my MP3 player when Cairo first comes into sight.

I want to work at a think tank.

Originally posted on December 1, 2006 on Myspace.