Zombie Boxing at 2 A.M.

So there I was on Saturday night sitting in the passenger seat of the car waiting for my friends to get back from Yum’s with some dumplings. It’s about 2:30 and I’m drunk and I’m wearing a blood spattered t-shirt as part of my costume for the party I was at just prior.

And then comes a walking by two drunk guys and they are fighting each other. But then they aren’t. Then they are. I don’t know what their deal was, but they were making it down the street beating on each other until they saw the sweet corvette parked across from my car.

Then they start to beat the shit out of the corvette. One guy trying to kick out the headlights and the other trying to smash in the side window with his shoulder. And for some reason this annoys me very much.

So I lean over and honk my horn and startle them both out of their skins. Then one of them runs across the street and starts kicking my car. So I open my door and step out in all my 6’4″, blood-splattered glory. And this drunk guy takes a swing at me while at the same time his friend starts running down the street in fear.

So there I was on Saturday night, covered in gore, beating the snot out of this car-wrecking moron.

After a few rounds I kind of threw him down the street to give him an escape route which he smartly took advantage of running off at full tilt. In the spirit of the holiday I felt like I should have moaned “Brains…brains…” as the jack-ass beat street into the night, instead I settled for scarfing on the Yum’s dumplings which had freshly arrived.

Originally published on October 30, 2006.