Saturday, May 29, 2010

Excuse me but...

Are Marvel friggin insane?

Upcoming Marvel Superhero movies:

"Captain America, Avengers, Nick Fury, Black Panther" - okay Marvel I'm with you so far -

"Cloak and Dagger, Ant-man, Dr. Strange, Hawkeye, and Power Pack" - What the holy living hell?!

Who the fuck makes these decisions? Nancy Reagan? I man come on Marvel! Really!

Power Pack! Power fucking Pack!? Does anyone reading this outside of Marcus even know who Power Pack are? Jesus - they were a god damn anti-drug After-School Special type comic that turned into the wussiest band of child heroes ever to walk the earth. You thought the Wonder Twins were lame, you ain't seen nothing till Power Pack comes floating along on the big screen. It will be a disaster. For christ sake, one kid's power was that he was a cloud. Ohhhhh a cloud. The other kid could shoot rainbows from his hands. Ohhh rainbows. Arrgh please fucking shoot me.

Cloak and Dagger - while potentially cool - never even worked as a comic so what magic formula will make them a good movie. Another super-cluster-fuck. This will be the"Save the Last Dance" of superhero movies.

Hawkeye - Hawkeye?! Give me a break. All he is is a cheap rip-off of Green Arrow from DC. And frankly, a bad one at that. The only thing that made Hawkeye cool in the comics was his interaction with other heroes. Everyone was like "Hawk you're lame, get a real power" and Hawkeye would be like "well fuck you Wolverine" - and then he'd kick-ass out of sheer gumption. Hawkeye is not a stand alone hero, this movie will fall completely flat.

Dr. Strange - I guess they have to make at least one super-hero movie for the gay audience.

And Ant-Man - oh holy vishnu, WHAT ON EARTH ARE THEY THINKING?

Originally posted on September 6, 2005 on Myspace.

The Marvel Studios plan marches on. Iron Man 1 & 2, the new Hulk, Thor being filmed as I type, Captain America being planned. I'm loving it. Hawkeye will be in The Avengers film and I think as a team member he'll be great. Still don't think a stand alone Hawkeye movie would work though.

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