Caught in the Zipper

My morning commute goes against the grain, heading away from DC. I have been thankful for that all year. I get on the inner loop of the Beltway right off of Route 1 South and zoom down to Fairfax in about 15 to 20 minutes.

Yesterday, to accomodate the huge construction project going on at Route 1 and Beltway, the powers that be switched the lanes of entry onto the Beltway off of Route 1 South. This has created a traffic snafu of the epic proportions.

Where once, entry to the Outer Loop was on the left hand side of the ramp and entry to the Inner Loop was on the right, they have decided to transpose access. This creates a Zipper Merge Pattern from hell, fueled by people’s ignorance to the change and their seeming inability to read the 50 or so temporary signs on Route 1 warning of it. The change suddenly dawns on people once they are on the ramp and have about 10 feet to merge before they are headed to points in the opposite direction of their intention.

Yesterday and today, I sat waiting to get on the Beltway for about 50 minutes. The only comparison I could think of that could convey this agony was that of me being a pubic hair caught in a giant fucking zipper.

I hate the Zipper Merge and this new one at Route 1 South and Beltway just seems so unnecessary it kills me. My perfect commute has become a nightmare.

Originally published on May 4, 2005.